Crossed Words and Magic (inspired by April 2026 theme Crosswords/Magic)
Introduction: while researching family papers at Nottingham University I came across Diary entries & an undated, unfinished letter linked with the Kiwi branch. What follows is a mix of fact & fiction in which one incident is adapted from an event at the Albert Hall in the 1960s. St Petula is the patron saint of all whose problems can only be solved by those who caused them.
‘The Lost Princess’ performed by Gisborne Operatic Society with Jenny Field in the lead part.
‘Why so cross, my dear?’ Betty quizzed her cousin in the interval. Jenny snarled ‘It’s that damn Kiwi choir master from St Petula’s!’ ‘Oh, that pain in the neck.’ replied Betty. ‘He’s here!’ complained Jenny ‘Underfoot as usual.’ ‘Where?’ prompted Betty. ‘Damn and hell! That’s the bell....see you later luv.’
The Stage Manager announced the sudden departure, to a hospital, of the lead baritone. and asked if any man in the audience could fill the part. The man who rose was applauded by all........... .....except one backstage ‘You!’ Jenny’s face was thunderous ‘What are you doing here? Get out of my sight! Can’t you see we’re busy?’ ‘Jenny, Dahling..’ soothed the stage manager in mellifluous tones ‘This is Tom Grant who’s stepped in to replace William in the male lead.’ ‘I know perfectly well!’ spat Jenny ‘He’s totally unreliable! He can’t even sing!’ ‘I’m afraid you’re wrong, Dahling. Tom wrote the entire piece.’ ‘G’day, Princess. I’m your Outlaw Prince, come to rescue my Lost Princess.’ said Tom, who then exclaimed in strongly accented speech, ‘Streuth, kiddo! Aintcher a bonzer Sheila!’ Note the suave sophistication on an Old Wanganui Collegian.
‘Amateurs or not.’ interrupted the SM before Jenny could get a word in ‘The show must go on. Tom, dear boy, go and get dressed. I’ll fill Jenny in.’ Jenny, like a real pro, played her part magically with consummate relish, especially the scene where the heroine slapped the villain hard across his face before he flung her over his shoulder and strode towards his tent.... with intent! ‘How dare you , sir, manhandle me. I’ll see you dangle from Tyburn Tree.’ ‘Hold your tongue, woman and pack your Dowry Chest. We’re off to the far off west.’ These classic crossed lines were matched by magical perfection in every duet from the temptestuous contrasts of diverse characters merging in the sublimity of voices united with the sheer joy of her contralto mingling with his throbbing baritone. After the almost religious finale the audience erupted into tumultuous applause!!
Back in the Green room Betty found an exhausted Jenny wracked with emotion. ‘Jenny Darling!’ she enthused ‘You were wonderful, so truly in love with that gorgeous man. Who is he? Betty was ever a romantic nutcase! ‘It’s him, Betty.’ Jenny whispered. ‘It’s horrible. I can’t stand it any more.’ ‘Why, Jenny love! What’s he done?’ queried Betty softly... to be answered. ‘I can’t get away from him. He’s everywhere. Cropping up like bad magic.’ ‘What d’ye mean? Every where? How often do you bump into him?’ asked Betty. Jenny replied ‘Every so often at the Bible class, and once in a while at....’ ‘Bible studies!’ shrieked Betty ‘My dear girl, that’s not you at all! It’s full of ghastly Kings lusting after other men’s wives & bumping off their hubbies. Oh, my poor Jenny. Why so cross? You hardly ever see him.’
Jenny exploded ‘He has the gall to suggest we meet after choir practice. He even haunts me in Waitrose every week.’ ‘So change your shopping routine.’ was Betty’s succinct response. ‘What, and miss snubbing him in public!’ was Jenny’s uncharacteristic reply. Betty sniffed in disbelief ‘Jenny, do you know what you are doing to yourself?’ she went on ‘I’m sorry my dear. There must be more than that to upset you so. Does he proposition you? Do you feel unsafe with him?’ ‘It’s not like that.’ Jenny responded sadly. ‘Oh! He’s coming over. I must run. Be a dear, hold him off.’
Betty’s response was down to earth, almost cross. ‘You stay right here my girl and face the scrumptuous beast.’ She was prone to offering advice! ‘What shall I say?’ replied Jenny ‘I always turn away if he speaks to me.’ ‘For a start you can be polite and say how grateful every one is for his saving the show. You might ask about his wife who’s in hospital.’ Tom bowed to the cousins ruefully rubbing his chin to say ‘It’s been a stunning experience Princess.’ He turned pointedly to Betty asking ‘Haven’t we met before? At the Fencing class, perchance.’ Before being taken a side by the director.
Betty whispered ‘Watch it, he’s coming back. Talk with him and for God’s sake, this time, listen to each other...You know, third time lucky.’ she continued ‘Smoke the old pipe of peace and then get rid,.. go your own ways.. with peace of mind... whatever.. Now give the ghastly swine your most magic smile..’
‘I hate him!’ sobbed Jenny....
At that moment the wooden hall was struck by lightning which set of faulty wiring in the messy paint store causing the building to explode into flames.
THE LUCKY CHARM (inspired by November's theme: Lucky Charm)
Sally O’Malley sat with her Franco-Polish Grandmother as she sorted thru’ her casket of minor jewellery. ‘What’s this funny little locket, Granny?’ she asked as she picked out one shaped like half a heart. ‘Ah, Cherie,’ replied Justine O’Malley ‘That has une histoire, that one. Mon dieu!’ ‘A history, Granny? Tell us all.’ queried Peter O’Malley who had just entered the room.’ ‘Ah, mon cher. This little broken heart has a legend, as you see this is but half of the whole... it is known as the sinister part....’ ‘That is the left side of the wearer, isn’t....’ interrupted Peter. ‘Oh, do shut up, Pete.’ admonished his sister. ‘Mes enfants.’ Justine spoke with soft authority, ‘Silence while I continue.’
‘This little piece is one half of the Broken Heart of the Oblovskis. Mais oui, there is another half! A friend has seen it at a hunt ball, worn by a beautiful girl! But who is she? It is not known.. tres mysterieuse...’ ‘Ohhh, Granny, what a shame.’ exhaled Sally. ‘Bah! Such girls are always beautiful!’ Peter sniffed in disbelief ‘It’s a fairy tale.’ ‘Poor Pierre, always the realist.’ chided his Grandmother as her son entered the room, ‘Ah, Charles, mon brave. Tell Pierre of the history of this demi couer.’
‘To be sure, Peter. ‘tis all but unbelievable. The whole heart goes back to the Oblovskis, a Polish family who rebelled against the Russians in the 1830s. They refugeed to France where their luck changed for the better, supposedly due to the little silver heart... of which we have half.’ ‘How come, Father, that half wound up with us O’Malleys?’ Peter asked, adding ‘and where’s the other half?’ ‘That, according to Granny’s friend, adorns an unknown girl at a dance. Since then I have made enquiries and it seems she is an Oblovski!’ ‘Golly O’Grady!’ Peter exclaimed ‘go on, Dad, what’s with these Oblovskis?’
‘Well, a Lucas Oblovski commanded Lancers in the American Civil War’ Charles continued, despite Peter’s exclamations of ‘How? Why?’ with ‘during a battle in the Ozark Mountains Colonel Oblovski’s life was saved by an Irish soldier called Sean......’ ‘O’Malley! Wow!’ shouted Peter ‘Is that how we got half the heart?’. ‘That’s it, Peter, given in gratitude for a brave act. Look carefully at our half, see the bolt of lightning. Well, we believe the other half is an exact mirror image. Both are supposed to click together to make the whole.’ ‘Will they ever get joined again, Daddy?’ asked Sally pensively. ‘Perhaps my dear.’ responded her Father ‘but under what circumstances I cannot say. Who knows, the families might join in a business venture.’ ‘How about Oblovski and O’Malley Logistics?’ suggested Peter.
End of Part 1. What do you think will happen next?
Part 2
‘Ah! Bah! You men are so prosaic!’ spat Justine in disgust ‘Now I see une marriage between our families to reunite the Broken Heart.’
At that moment Kaithleen O’Malley ushered a visitor into the room with the words ‘This, my dears, is Marie Waleska Oblovski. Her family sat stunned by the name and overwhelmed by the sheer loveliness of the young woman... and then... they noticed the scintillating brilliance of the half heart charm at her throat! Charles was first to recover and stood to welcome her. ‘Marie, my dear, we have just been discussing the historic links between our ancestor Sean O’Malley and yours... Count Lucas Oblovski.’ The girl replied in musical tones ‘Indeed Pan O’Malley. I wonder if you knew that they became blood brothers?’
‘Sacre bleu!’ Justine half whispered to herself ‘She has the chin, that one of courage et fortitude. She is the one, I know it.’ before her son introduced Marie who curtseyed saying ‘Enchantee Mme O’Malley... of the Besancon La Salles, n’est ce pas?’ Sally and Marie, having sized each other up as women do, exchanged greetings with smiling friendship and easy handshakes. Peter, rooted to the spot in shaky awe, managed to snap out of his trance to click his heels and gently raise her hand to his lips as he bowed saying ‘Mamselle, the pleasure is entirely mine.’ And then he went quite red. Sally gave him a quizzical stare.
The girl, on seeing the O’Malley’s half of the Broken Heart on the tray, undid the clasp of her demi-couer, picked up the other and clicked them together. The O’Malleys stared silently as she presented the whole heart to Charles saying ‘I am the last, the last of the Oblovskis...’ her voice choked with emotion.. ‘and you, Pan O’Malley, you have the male heir. Please accept what is rightfully yours.’
‘Nom du nom!’ exclaimed Justine ‘Such nobility of spirit and the smile of inner beauty to lighten the world!’
The family gazed in wonder as Marie’s eyes expressed a serene fulfilment of her chapter in their shared history.
NB: I was asked if there were any links with historical facts in this tale. Lucas Sobolaski’s Independent Company of Lancers operated in Missouri... probably raiding supply lines and similar tying down of enemy manpower in true commando style.